Be cautious about over-apologizing. “Sorry” has become an overused word and when it is overused, it loses meaning and sincerity. Often, it is being used for things that don’t require an apology. Additionally, when you apologize for things that do require an apology but do so without genuine remorse or an attempt at changing your behavior – is worthless and erodes trust.
Personal story: I had a boss that was constantly apologizing for his lateness and for many other things that were his responsibility – but he did so with no remorse and with no intention of changing his behavior. Yet, he kept apologizing and all of his employees heard empty words and rolled their eyes.
To note – where I think this can get tricky for people is if it’s consistent behavior versus a one-off oversight.
❌ “Sorry, I couldn’t get back to you sooner…”
❌ “Sorry to bother you…”
❌ “Sorry, I cannot make this meeting…”
❌ “Sorry, I haven’t thought this through…”
❌ “Sorry if this doesn’t make sense…”
❌ “Sorry, I don’t quite understand…”
🟡 genuine desire to be polite
🟡 aversion to conflict
🟡 fear of how others perceive us
🟡 people pleaser
🟡 concerned with being judged
🟡 seeking reassurance
things you didn’t do
things you can’t control
not understanding something / asking for clarification
things other adults do
something your boss or coworker didn’t communicate
asking a question or needing something
your appearance
your feelings
not having all the answers (no one has all the answers)
not responding immediately
directly stating your opinion (professionally) without personal attacks
being assertive
asking someone to explain why they made a decision or politely disagreeing
making an impassioned argument
being overworked
someone else’s unstated expectations
changing details of an agreement or appointment
Only if it’s a genuine apology showing remorse and an attempt at changing behavior. Don’t keep repeating behavior and apologizing for it.
🟢 arriving late to a meeting (after it starts)
🟢 missing an appointment of any type
🟢 missing a deadline
🟢 keeping someone waiting or leaving someone hanging
🟢 inadvertently (or purposefully) criticizing someone
🟢 stepping on someone’s toes (hopefully unintentional)
🟢 losing your temper
🟢 not communicating when you should have / not following up when you should have
🟢 inadvertently being impolite
🟢 something that went wrong that was your responsibility
🟢 not giving people appropriate notice (canceling or rescheduling meetings last-minute – see: Are you a serial meeting rescheduler? )
Over-apologizing sends a message that undermines the validity of your statements. It implies that you lack self-confidence in expressing yourself or asserting your own needs. Lastly, the more you say “I’m sorry” when an apology is not needed, the more insincere it becomes.
✔️ Be aware of how often you say it and determine if what you’re apologizing for actually requires an apology. If you deem that it does, are you showing remorse? Are you attempting a behavior change?
✔️ Be thoughtful with your words.
✔️ Be appreciative instead of apologetic.
✔️ Develop your assertiveness skills and get comfortable using them.
✔️ Find ways to replace “I’m sorry” with “thank you.” (Ex: Thank you for your patience.)
✔️ Use actions instead of words.
✔️ Focus on resolutions.
✔️ Take responsibility.
✔️ Check out the Just Not Sorry Chrome extension that checks your emails for words you might be using that undermine your message
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