Invalidation: dismissing, rejecting, ignoring, denying, or downplaying someone’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors
Validation: the acceptance of a person’s thoughts, feelings, emotions (I hear you, I see you, I understand you)
Definitions taken from PsychCentral
Validating others helps them feel heard, understood, seen, and valued as a human being; validation helps them feel as if they are a valuable member of the team and organization. It makes people feel cared for. When invalidation occurs in the workplace, it creates a toxic culture.
People rarely want advice. They want empathy. They don't want to hear about you. They don't want to be fixed. They want to be heard.
Minimizing: “It could be worse”, “It’s not a big deal”, “Just let it go”, “You’ll get over it” and dismissing someone’s concerns
Giving unsolicited advice or problem solving when the person hasn’t asked for advice or help (yes, this is invalidating!)
Not giving someone your full attention; you’re telling them that their time, thoughts, feelings, etc. are not important to you
Other non-verbal behaviors like: eye rolling, shrugging, facial expressions
Assuming someone’s feelings without asking
Ignoring someone’s ideas, thoughts, perspectives or not responding to their email or their messages – whether it be intentional or unintentional
Questioning someone’s judgment
Interrupting or speaking over someone
Making comments about someone’s emotional state (i.e.: “She’s being overly emotional right now about this.”)
Saying something like “I have to answer to a pushy woman at home, I’m not going to do it in the office with you.” (yes, this one is sadly a true story and it is also gender bias and discrimination)
Not holding true to your word (saying something and not following through with it) can be invalidating
They might assume that what they want/need is what you want/need
They are so focused on their own stuff that they aren’t attuned to anyone else
They are intentionally manipulative and/or discriminatory
They are afraid of honest expression so they try to suppress it in others
They are trying to avoid facing their own challenges
They are trying to make us feel better, but are dismissing or diminishing our experiences
They are trying to get us to fit into the social conditioning framework that is established as the standard
A 2018 study published in the journal of Nature Biotechnology surveyed over 2,000 doctoral students and found that among the common factors that could explain invalidation were a lack of support from managers, as well as difficulty in balancing work and personal life (something that could be attributed to manager style).
Leaders play a huge role in modeling validating behaviors and creating a culture where people are valued, seen, and heard.
Mental health issues (trauma, PTSD)
Feeling as though you’re being ignored
Feeling as though you’re being repeatedly misunderstood
Feeling as though you’re not being taken seriously
Feeling as though you aren’t being treated equally or fairly
Feeling as though your experiences, perspectives, thoughts/ideas are being minimized or denied (they aren’t good enough)
Causes us to second-guess everything (issues with personal identity)
Diminishes self-worth (self-worth can become tied to being accepted, heard, valued)
We try to talk ourselves out of how we feel
Feeling like we have to justify or prove ourselves
Makes people feel ostracized
Loss of a sense of safety
Don’t feel protected or empowered at work
Invalidation can come in the form of microaggressions and these microaggressions add up over time and to a traumatic impact, specifically for people with marginalized experiences or identities (race, ethnicity, disability status, sexuality, or gender identity); these people are more likely to experience workplace trauma than their straight, white, male, cis-gender, able-bodied counterparts.
A 2021 McKinsey report states that women overall, Black women and women with disabilities in particular, are more likely to experience these microaggressions. A 2023 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that Black employees who were subject to microaggressions in the workplace were more likely to experience burnout and job dissatisfaction over the long term.
A woman being automatically asked to take meeting minutes
A Latinx employee being mistaken for custodial staff
A Black woman being told her natural hair is “unprofessional”
Understand what invalidation is and who might be most affected by microaggressions
Implement validating behavior
Educate others about what invalidation looks like
Create a space where people agree to be called out on invalidating behavior (better yet – have everyone sign an agreement that they are willing to take part in this and be held accountable)
If you’ve experienced invalidation, work through the outcomes with a qualified therapist
Develop your leaders!
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