Red flags of insecure leaders (and what to do instead)

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Some leaders look confident on the outside, but lead from insecurity. You’ll spot it in how they control, react, or protect their ego at the expense of their team. These behaviors don’t just make leadership harder…. they kill trust, stall progress, and drive good employees away. For the leader, this insecurity creates constant stress, self-doubt, and the exhausting need to prove themselves, leaving them feeling isolated and never fully content.

Great leadership isn’t about never feeling insecure. It’s about recognizing the behaviors insecurity creates and replacing them with something better. Here are 4 major red flags of insecure leaders and what to do instead.

Red Flag #1: Micromanagement masquerading as high standards

Insecure leaders can’t let go. They nitpick, second-guess, and rework their team’s efforts. They tell themselves it’s about maintaining quality, but the real issue is control, not standards.

How this makes the team feel

Frustrated, demotivated, and afraid to take initiative. They learn to wait for permission instead of thinking for themselves.

Why does this happen?

Insecure leaders don’t trust their team because, deep down, they don’t trust themselves – or their ability to trust others. Many leaders fear losing control and believe that if they aren’t personally involved in every detail, things will fall apart.

Others struggle because their identity is tied to execution, making it hard to shift from doing the work to leading the work. Perfectionism also plays a role – if insecure leaders believe mistakes will reflect poorly on them, they micromanage instead of allowing their team to grow through experience.

The confident leader approach

Confident leaders define what success looks like, not every step to get there: “The outcome I need is X. How you get there is up to you.” Confident leaders set clear checkpoints instead of hovering. They hold themselves accountable and they challenge their insecurity “Is this about my standards or my need for control?”

Red Flag #2: Defensiveness toward feedback

Insecure leaders shut down, justify, or deflect when given feedback. They see it as an attack rather than an opportunity to improve. It’s not just formal feedback that triggers them – they interpret everything as “feedback.”

A delayed email, a teammate pushing back in a meeting, or even a neutral comment can feel like a subtle critique of their leadership. This leads to overanalyzing interactions, second-guessing decisions, and becoming preoccupied with how they are perceived instead of focusing on their impact.

How this makes the team feel

On edge, emotionally drained, and disengaged. They tiptoe around conversations, sugarcoat reality, and avoid giving honest input to prevent setting off a defensive reaction. The team ends up spending more mental and emotional energy managing their leader’s reactions instead of focusing on their actual work.

Why does this happen?

Many insecure leaders fear that feedback exposes them as not good enough so they react defensively to protect their competence. Others tie their entire identity to their role, making any critique feel personal rather than about the work itself. Some are in a constant state of scanning for threats, interpreting neutral situations (like a delayed response or a differing opinion) as implied criticism.

The confident leader approach

The confident leader pauses before reacting and says “Tell me more about that.” They separate their ego from their performance because feedback isn’t about who you are, it’s about how you lead.

Red Flag #3: Take credit, but shift the blame

Insecure leaders own the wins, but pass off the failures. They crave validation, but avoid accountability.

How this makes the team feel

Unseen, unappreciated, and resentful. Employees stop taking ownership when they know their leader will take credit – or shift blame – no matter what.

Why does this happen?

Some leaders tie their self-worth to success, which makes it difficult to admit mistakes because failure feels like a personal flaw rather than a learning opportunity. Others feel that acknowledging missteps will weaken their authority, so they deflect blame to maintain control.

The confident leader approach

The confident leader owns mistakes and failures as openly as successes. Instead of deflecting blame, they say things like “I should have communicated this better,” or “That’s on me.” They recognize that accountability builds trust, not weakens authority. They model ownership.

Red Flag #4: Surround themselves with “yes-people”

Insecure leaders avoid being challenged. They only promote or listen to people who agree with them. They dismiss tough questions and surround themselves with people who don’t push back.

How this makes the team feel

Silenced, frustrated, disengaged, and resentful. Those who disagree but don’t feel safe to speak up shut down and check out, knowing their input won’t be valued.

Why does this happen?

Some insecure leaders seek validation over truth and surround themselves with yes-people because agreement feels like proof of good leadership. Others fear that being questioned exposes them as wrong or uncertain, so they reject pushback to protect their authority. Many simply avoid conflict altogether, preferring to keep things “smooth.”

The confident leader approach

Confident leaders make disagreement part of the process and ask “What am I missing?” They encourage pushback. Effective leaders seek the best idea, not just the most agreeable one.

Why you can’t train your way out of this

Workshops and trainings can teach new strategies, but they won’t fix deep-seated insecurities. You don’t unlearn micromanagement, defensiveness, or the need for control with a slide deck and a few exercises. These behaviors aren’t about knowledge – they’re about mindset, habits, and self-awareness. No training will undo ingrained behaviors – real change takes coaching, self-awareness, and consistent reinforcement with the right support.

Final thoughts

Every leader experiences insecurity – it’s human. The difference is whether you let it dictate your leadership or use it as a signal for growth.

The best leaders aren’t perfect – they’re self-aware. In every leadership moment, ask yourself: Am I leading from confidence or fear? Am I making decisions to serve the team or to protect my ego? Am I creating an environment where people thrive – or one where people tiptoe around my insecurities?

Leadership isn’t about proving yourself. It’s about creating a team that thrives – even when you’re not in the room.

In today’s fast-paced, rapidly evolving business landscape, effective leadership development is non-negotiable. Clients consistently report that their work with Amber results in elevated leadership skills, increased productivity, reduced turnover, and enhanced interpersonal effectiveness. Clients have built and led high-performing teams, fostered self-accountability, and seen less resistance to change initiatives. Many have attained promotions, boosted their confidence, and taken control of their time and energy.

Red flags of insecure leaders (and what to do instead)

Red Flag #1: Micromanagement masquerading as high standards

Red Flag #2: Defensiveness toward feedback

Red Flag #3: Take credit, but shift the blame

Red Flag #4: Surround themselves with “yes-people”

Why you can’t train your way out of this

Final thoughts

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