Feel your emotions, don't lead with them

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Have you ever been in a situation where emotions are running high, and as a leader, you’re unsure how to respond? Leaders are often faced with emotionally charged situations – delivering tough feedback, navigating conflicts and unpredictable human behavior, or managing the highs and lows of business outcomes. How we respond emotionally in these moments can define our leadership impact. Emotional responses, however, are not always straightforward and that’s what we’re covering here.

Showing emotional reactivity is one of the fastest ways to undermine your leadership by making it about you, rather than about the team. A leader who keeps their emotions in check understands that it’s not about them – it’s about leading and supporting their team through whatever challenges arise.

Emotional Maturity & Adjustment

At the core of effective leadership is emotional maturity. This involves being aware of your own emotions, understanding what triggers them, and recognizing how they influence your thoughts and actions. When you’re well-adjusted, you’re able to flex your responses to fit the situation, rather than reacting. A well-adjusted leader knows that emotions influence decisions and relationships, and they are mindful of how they show up in critical moments. This awareness is not about suppressing emotions; it’s about managing them in a way that is constructive.

Emotional Regulation

Think about how you feel when dealing with a boss or coworker who is emotionally volatile. It most likely affects your own demeanor and the way you work – you might tread more carefully around them or feel unsure how to approach them. Now imagine how differently you’d feel if that same person remained composed and measured and there was a sense of steadiness instead of moodiness.

This is why emotional regulation is so critical. Leaders need to control how they express emotions so they can stay grounded and effective. The most effective leaders have honed the skill of self-regulation – pausing before reacting, taking a moment to assess their emotions, and choose how to respond. It’s easy to let frustration spill over in a team meeting or when a project doesn’t go as planned. This does not mean being robotic or disconnected. It’s about ensuring that the emotions we express serve the situation.

Effective leaders choose how to respond in a way that benefits the team, rather than making it about themselves.

Intentional Emotion

A politically intelligent leader recognizes when and how to express their emotions intentionally to achieve the best outcomes. It’s about reading the room and understanding the dynamics at play. Showing empathy during tough times can strengthen team cohesion. Showing passion or concern can inspire and motivate your team, but being overly emotional or reactive can erode trust and credibility. It’s about striking balance. An effective leader understands the importance of timing and context, showing emotion when it’s appropriate and helpful, but in a composed and thoughtful way.

Often, it’s more appropriate to show vulnerability and emotions downward – toward your team – rather than upward toward your superiors. This isn’t about hiding your emotions from those above you, but recognizing that vulnerability builds trust with those below and at the same level. Building trust with superiors is a bit of a different approach and one that emphasizes competence, reliability, and sound judgment over emotional expression and vulnerability.

Check out these related articles:

Self-aware leaders are effective leaders

How to use empathetic responses to drive employee satisfaction

Who should receive leadership coaching?

In today’s fast-paced, rapidly evolving business landscape, effective leadership development is non-negotiable. Clients consistently report that their work with Amber results in elevated leadership skills, increased productivity, reduced turnover, and enhanced interpersonal effectiveness. Clients have built and led high-performing teams, fostered self-accountability, and seen less resistance to change initiatives. Many have attained promotions, boosted their confidence, and taken control of their time and energy.

Feel your emotions, don't lead with them

Emotional Maturity & Adjustment

Emotional Regulation

Intentional Emotion

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